Dating and the single mum part 2 – Introducing Kris to Ben.

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If you haven’t read part one, read that here first.

So after months of seeing each other, and getting to know each other we decided it was time to introduce Kris to Ben. I remember sitting down and talking to Kris, and saying to him that if he met Ben and realised it’s not what he wanted. then it was fine, to let me know and we’d just go our separate ways. I knew it must of been hard for a young single guy to come into a ready made family. I didn’t want him to stay because he felt he had to then months down the line leave. I didn’t want to put Ben through that, or myself. There really isn’t anything more nerve wracking than introducing a man to your child. I mean what if Ben didn’t like him!? I was already in love with Kris, so that worried me too! Ben would always come first, and if it was a no from Ben then it would have been a no from me.

Kris was more nervous to meet Ben than he was about meeting me for the first time. I think he had the same worries as me. What if they didn’t get on, or it wasn’t what he wanted. Would that make him a horrible person for not wanting to stick around. It must have been really scary for Kris. Like I said in part one, I’m not sure I could have done it. Walk into a ready made family, and meet and try and bond with someone else’s child. So I take my hat off to anyone, man or woman who can step into a ready made family, and help bring someone else’s child up. Only someone very special would be able to do that!

However I nor Kris needn’t have worried. Kris walked straight over to where Ben was sitting, and sat down playing with his toys together. Ben seemed to have a good night, and even hugged Kris goodnight when it was time for his bed. We were conscious not to have kris over all the time, it was to be a gradual thing, where we’d spend time together the three of us, and other times where it would just be me and Ben. He certainly wasn’t going to be staying over every night either. That wouldn’t have been fair on Ben!

About 6 months down the line came our first “family holiday” this was going to be the test! Kris only ever spent maybe 2 nights at most with us before going home, so 5 nights was going to give him a little taster, and for him to be sure this is defiantly what he wanted in life!

Our holiday was great, in fact the year after we went away again, Majorca this time, for a week! This was by far the best holiday I had ever been on, and have so many amazing memories from it. We did this all before Kris moved in with us. In fact kris didn’t move in with us until a year ago, after we had been together over two years and was engaged! Kris even involved Ben in the proposal, it was just perfect. He got Ben to ask me if I would marry Kris and make him his Step Dad! Just perfect.

It was gradual and Kris started to stay over more each week, to the point he was staying most nights but hadn’t officially moved in. Ben and Kris dote on each other, and Ben really looks up to kris, sounds like him, dresses like him, is into his computer games like him too! But don’t get me wrong, it’s not all roses and butterfly’s. It has had challenges too!

From our first holiday together, and when we are out anywhere really, people always assume that Kris is Bens Dad, and as much as I wish he was, he’s not. Ben has always spoken up and said that’s not my Dad that’s Kris. I used to think, gee thanks Ben for announcing to the world that I’ve had sex with more than one person! Haha! Even now people go, aw… and then there’s an awkward pause! People still stereotype single mums, and/or people who have kids to more than one dad. It’s crazy! I just smile and say yeah he’s not his Dad.

Ben and Kris have very similar personalities, it’s crazy, you’d think that they were father and son! As much as that gives them stuff to bond over, they are also both so crazy stubborn, and it’s literally like being stuck in between two kids sometimes! They fight, tease each other, and get mad at each other. Then I’m in the middle trying to sort it out. Ben doesn’t alway listen to kris, even though Ben can’t remember a time when Kris wasn’t in his life, but obviously knows he isn’t his Dad, he will sometimes not treat him with the same respect he does me. If Kris tells him to do something, he will just ignore him, or give him some sort of cheeky response. All I have to do is start counting to 3 and he does what Kris just asked him to do… well sometimes! It’s so frustrating, no matter how many times I sit Ben down and explain that Kris is the the other adult in the house, and he has to listen to him just like he does with me, sometimes he just doesn’t want to.

However I suppose that’s just what children are like sometimes, there is definitely more positives than negatives in their relationship, and our relationship as a “blended” family. Kris isn’t Bens dad, but choose to bring him up like he’s his son anyway. He’s always there for him when he’s upset, was there for his first day at school, takes time of work to go to school concerts, and his birthday. Kris gave up his bachelor lifestyle to move in with us, and live as a family. He brings laughter and nonsense to the house, and as much as he drives me crazy with Ben sometimes, you can see they love each other like mad! Ask Ben to draw a picture of his family, Kris is always the first person he draws! They way he runs and hugs Kris (sometimes as he’s too cool for hugs now) just melts my heart! And now we have added Darcie into this crazy mix, and all 3 of us just love her so incredibly much!

I’d love to hear other single mums experience of introducing their children to their now partners, what was your experience? Do you still have challenges like we do?

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